This book is dedicated to my husband, Kevin, who loves me in a T-shirt, a towel, or a tiara. Contents PART ONE: Fat, Black and Ugly 1 Chapter 1 “There’s a speed limit in this state, mister.” 3 Chapter 2 “If that’s all you’re getting from what I told you,”… 14 Chapter 3 “Woodburn wants to see you, Audra,” Darlene Fuchs, the assignment… 28 Chapter 4 “Something fancy and hip. Fancy and hip,” Audra sang the… 46 Chapter 5 Too trendy for words. 58 Chapter 6 “My God, Audra! Do you have any idea what time—” 73 PART TWO: Light, Bright and Beautiful 85 Chapter 7 “Audra, it’s Shamiyah Thomas again, from the Ugly Duckling show?” 87 Chapter 8 “Audra! So nice to finally meet you! Though I feel… 97 Chapter 9 “So which one was it? The Atkins or South Beach?” 109 Chapter 10 “He’s kidding, right?” Audra swung her face around the room,… 126 Chapter 11 “You want to bring some cameras into it, fine with… 138 Chapter 12 “Marks!” 147 Chapter 13 “Shamiyah…it’s Audra.” 161 Chapter 14 Shamiyah stood at the baggage claim when Audra arrived, looking… 166 Chapter 15 “So, Audra.” Dr. Anna Goddard crossed then uncrossed her legs… 180 Chapter 16 “So. It’s tomorrow.” Edith’s voice was heavy with the lateness… 198 Chapter 17 One big, oozing incision. 209 Chapter 18 “So what color are you now?” 224 Chapter 19 “Is that it?” Dr. Goddard nodded to ward the thick brown… 234 Chapter 20 “Bradshaw…” 239 Chapter 21 “No excuses, Audra. It’s time to take this seriously—as… 245 Chapter 22 “Okay, I’ve got good news and bad news.” 259 Chapter 23 “Two minutes,” the stage manager hissed, taking Audra’s gloved hand… 275 PART THREE: The Final Package 285 Chapter 24 “It’s amazing…amazing…” Penny Bradshaw kept saying the word over… 287 Chapter 25 “You’re gonna need a new badge, Marks,” Darlene Fuchs said… 296 Chapter 26 Audra knew the woman before she entered the diner. 306 Chapter 27 Her mind was spinning with a million thoughts: Ma, Andrew… 318 Chapter 28 “I’m sick and tired of being fat, black and ugly,”… 336 Chapter 29 “What’s going on with your face?” Shamiyah asked, peering at… 356 Acknowledgments About the Author Other Books By Karyn Langhorne Cover Copyright About the Publisher PART ONE Fat, Black and Ugly Chapter 1 Thursday, March 29 Dear Petra, Greetings from your fatter, uglier sister! (I know, I know—but I figure starting this letter like that will get your mind off the chaos there in Iraq.) Glad to hear that the latest violence has not affected you or Michael. Me, the same as always: work, home to help Ma look after Kiana (who, other than missing her mom and dad, is doing fine), watch a good classic movie (Double Indemnity was on last night!), sleep and back to work. Speaking of work . . . there’s a new guy. Girl . . . smooth milk chocolate skin, eyes light as caramel . . . delicious! Even a married woman like you would lick her lips! Works the same shift I do, but he’s never said a single word to me. Actually, he doesn’t talk much at all. The strong, silent type, I guess. No one seems to 4 Karyn Langhorne know much about him, so he could be married with kids. Or he could be a snobbish jerk who thinks he’s tougher than the rest of us because he worked at Upstate Maximum. Or maybe he just doesn’t like fat chicks . . . J I wonder what it would take for him to acknowledge my existence? Oh well, that’s all from the home front. Let’s be careful out there, Audra “There’s a speed limit in this state, mister.” Anyone else would have told the kid to walk, to stop speeding through the day room like he needed Ritalin, but Audra Marks was too bored to do what everyone else would have done. Instead, when the kid passed her at run, hurrying over to a gaggle of young men hovering over a video game rivalry, Double Indemnity—that great movie classic of greed and betrayal—rose to her lips. In a blink, she was no longer Audra Marks, a big- boned black woman in a size-too-small uniform, but Barbara Stanwyck—a film noir princess hitch- ing the hem of her slinky dress to flummox Fred MacMurray’s careful cool with a shapely, ankle- braceleted leg. Too bad her captive audience didn’t get it. “Huh?” he offered with the eloquence typical of young men of a certain age. “Speed limit. Forty-five miles an hour. And you’re over it, sure as ten dimes will buy you a dollar.” Puzzlement creased her listener’s face. He was DIARY OF AN UGLY DUCKLING 5 literally her captive—an inmate named Carlton Carter at the tail end of eighteen months for petty theft. He stopped short, watching her intently, his dark eyes skittering in his face, trying to decide if she was hassling him for a specific reason or just for general purposes. Audra sighed. For the half instant before he opened his mouth, she played out a scene from her own secret fantasies—that she’d be answered with a line from one of the old classics, from The Petrified Forest and Mildred Pierce, Desk Set and All About Eve. It wouldn’t matter if he was nineteen or ninety, if he was a convict or a conqueror, once he offered the words like a magic kiss, Audra would lift eyes of adoration to his face, violins would begin to play . . . and they would live together happily ever after, The End. Clearly this kid wasn’t her guy . . . Audra shifted her feet as though expecting to hear the telltale shimmy of anklet beads colliding with each other instead of the faint scuff of her orthopedic, regula- tion black lace-ups. She put her hand on her ample hip and leaned her sizeable frame close to the kid, tossing her head as though it were covered with Stanwyck’s flaxen curls. “Look, kid,” she continued, mimicking the rapid- fire delivery of a black-and-white film as the boy’s brow crinkled in deeper confusion. “There are a lot of losers in this mixed up, crazy world. Desperate peo- ple, people willing to toss over their own mothers just for a shot at the brass ring. One day soon, they’ll spring you from this hole. But if you’re stupid enough to commit another crime and end up back 6 Karyn Langhorne here, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not to- morrow, but one day soon, and for the rest of your life—” Audra stopped short. Crap, wrong movie. She cut her eyes nervously at the young inmate, but the kid obviously didn’t know the difference or much care. She glanced around, wondering if anyone else had heard the mistake. Not likely. Around them,
